no good

so everything i try today is wrong. and the very tiresome thing about an infant is that he will let you know it in no uncertain terms. he will turn red, he will shriek, he will reflexively open and close his little hands tipped with razor sharp nails over your trachea, he will make you kick the dog when she doesn't get out of the way fast enough because you cannot throttle him. now he is sleeping sucking on a pacifier with a very grumpy expression on his face. can't wait to wrestle him into the car seat for a trip to the doctor. his rage is scary -- it is close to the surface and immediately global. my rage is... where? so far below the surface as to be mythical, like a ship wreck. and if i do a good job as a parent, one day his will be sunk too. Right? I don't know what's right anymore.
i'm supposed to meet S and S for sushi after the doc's. we'll see how that goes, eh.