what the gnome knows
Being rather new to suburbia, and my particular suburb being rather on the shabby side, I'm somewhat shocked by the fearlessness with which my neighbors decorate their lawns. Here in V-town, the trees are tall, the houses small (but selling for half a million in this over-inflated economy), and people are not afraid to park on their lawns. Right next to the shingled wishing wells, and the pink flamingoes, the tiled moorish fountains, the plaster statuary menagerie: kittens, deer, puppies, frogs, the iridescent orbs, the flags for Jesus, the humping dolphin fountain (seriously), the politically incorrect stablehands, the acres of silk flowers that have been stuck in the ground to impersonate spring. It's NASCAR country snuggled between San Francisco and Napa. I feel embarassingly right at home here, despite our lawn's unadorned state. Always a bit white trash at heart. Sure, I wish there were parks and cute little shops and movie theaters, and fewer vicious dogs, but there are two Starbucks within walking distance -- the fact that I consider that an asset now, does that mean I've lost my soul?
Anyway, got a Christmas tree yesterday -- going to decorate it tonight. I am almost giddy at the thought. The tree itself is a little Charlie Brown. We scoured the lot thinking they were all twenty five dollars as promised on the sign. Gabriel wasn't in the spirit and started wailing, but we picked out our favorite and were told that that tree, well, that tree is going for $9 a foot. Wow, that's like, a lot of money. Isn't it funny the things you cheap out on. All of a sudden paying $60 for a tree was, like, way beyond the ken. And just today I spent $116 in the grocery store buying all essential items, of course. So we were pointed to the actual $25 trees which looked okay, I thought. Until we got home and realized our poor little tree has, oh, 80% of its needles on one side. Actually it's quite brilliant, as we can now mash it up against the wall with ease. It still has taken over our living room, making it impossible to sit on the couch and watch TV at the same time. Oh well, we only get two channels anyway -- but that's another story. And not a very interesting one.
Anyway, got a Christmas tree yesterday -- going to decorate it tonight. I am almost giddy at the thought. The tree itself is a little Charlie Brown. We scoured the lot thinking they were all twenty five dollars as promised on the sign. Gabriel wasn't in the spirit and started wailing, but we picked out our favorite and were told that that tree, well, that tree is going for $9 a foot. Wow, that's like, a lot of money. Isn't it funny the things you cheap out on. All of a sudden paying $60 for a tree was, like, way beyond the ken. And just today I spent $116 in the grocery store buying all essential items, of course. So we were pointed to the actual $25 trees which looked okay, I thought. Until we got home and realized our poor little tree has, oh, 80% of its needles on one side. Actually it's quite brilliant, as we can now mash it up against the wall with ease. It still has taken over our living room, making it impossible to sit on the couch and watch TV at the same time. Oh well, we only get two channels anyway -- but that's another story. And not a very interesting one.
posted by cmm at 1:22 PM
2 Comments:
One christmas (Holiday) our father went out to cut the family a tree down. Five hours and one bottle of peppermint shnapps later he returned to his loving wife and three WT children with a tree that suffered in the same way your "bargain" tree does. My mother enraged by my father's state, though she claimed it was the insuffient tree, cut all the branches off and maticuisly wired them back on making a lovely full tree. At least for a couple of days until my father, who rarely dranks, sobered up and the branches dried up and died.
I was totally going to tell this story! How funny!
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