why do I feel like a loser?

Not for the reasons you might expect (i.e. I AM a loser, or just normal person beset by low confidence). It turns out that that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach was probably food poisoning. Last night, I experienced that long forgotten joy of being awakened from a fitful sleep by feelings of nausea, making it to the toilet just in time to yak up the pizza that M had so kindly ordered to celebrate my first day. Linguisa and artichoke hearts, we will not meet again for YEARS, I can promise you. The bug quickly travelled south and I have been re-living all my Peace Corps good times spent pissing right out of my ass. M, however, in unaffected, which throws some question of the whole food poisoning scenario, but man, what else could it be?
Then Gabriel threw up around 4am, but that is because, I think, I failed to elevate the head of his bed and he was swallowing all of his secretions. Still, the smell, the unhappiness, the need to change a deeply unhappy infant did not help matters at all. He seemed to bounce back though, when he woke up at 7, though, so I am crossing fingers that he is not really sick. I felt so punk this a.m., M postponed driving to Sacramento, fed baby and bundled him away to daycare so I could sleep. There is something a little suspicious about calling in sick on the second day of school, n'est-ce pas. So I feel guilty about that, but mostly I just feel like my stomach is being wrung out for mysterious reasons best left to the microbes.
Yay, so tomorrow, I'm back at it. 7 am, baby. I may have to don a pair of G's diapers, but I'll be there!