social lubricants: apply generously

We're off tomorrow for a wedding back east. Just as Gabriel seemed to be settling into a civilized and humane sleep schedule, wouldn't you know. Looking forward to the five-hour flight, of course. I spent an obscene amount of money at Target this morning on things-we-might-need: new toys as diversion, baby food in jars and plastic, adorable baby juices in wee bottles, disposable bowls and spoons, baby wipes in handy travel-size pack, diapers (useful). I am determined to fit all of his stuff in one small bag, though. I will NOT morph into huge, immobile Mommy as lumbering pack animal. I will, instead, style myself after a svelte and compact pack animal. A llama, perhaps, or a very small pony.
I've also been spending, spending, spending to get myself prettied up. Just so you know how very superficial I am. It started with the dress (ignore scary looking model). Once I had the dress I needed shoes. Once I had shoes I needed another outfit to wear to the post-wedding brunch. Then I needed a few cute tops because, oh my god, all I have left in my dresser are rags that didn't make the cut when I packed away the maternity clothes back in September. Yesterday I spend $60 on a haircut, which is crazy, but felt justified in some small, crazed, vain corner of my brain.
I'll be seeing a bunch of people I haven't seen in several years and I'm nervous, all right. I'm not one-hundred percent body confident post-baby. Shock, seeing as I was not exactly loving it pre-baby either, but still, it DOES look different. I am different. I tell myself I look okay and should feel proud of myself. But feel lumpish. Now, with new clothes I will be distracted enough to get through weekend of merry socializing with only a social application of alcohol.